


a bruise to bloom blue

by wisteria (orphan_account)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, liberal usage of commas and repetition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-22
Updated: 2012-07-22
Packaged: 2017-11-10 11:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/wisteria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And then Tony fell limp, because it hit him like the oxygen did, it sliced him like the ocean reaps over sand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a bruise to bloom blue

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I'm clearly very new to this site- apologies for any errors/etc! Betaless; just a quick drabble, if anything.

And it was like a thump, like a bang, like the butt of a gun slamming the back of his head; but nothing slammed his head, he was standing stock still, falling through the sky. He heard warnings from JARVIS, from Captain America, from everyone, but he could not process them, he could not process anything, not even air circulating from his lungs.

The building was gone, it was dust in the wind, Pepper was gone, she was dust in the wind, she was in the building. Pepper Potts, Pepper, Pep, Peppy, Pepper, Pepper, Pepper—Pepper was not there, she was not anywhere, she was gone, she was dead.

Pepper Potts, the love of his life, his everything, his saving grace, was dead.

He hit the ground, and he hit it hard, but he had long since lost any feeling in his body whatsoever. He knew he had to be crying, he had to be something, because he was so distressed, so gone, so out, so out.

Soon there was shouting, lots of shouting, and clean-up, and screams, lots of screams, but shouts, lots of shouts. Shouts at him, weight on him, someone was on him, someone was shaking him, screaming at him, screaming “Tony”, screaming it.

It was Steve, Steve, Captain America, he was there at least; he was screaming, and it was all Tony could hear. “Tony,” he said, screamed, same difference, “Tony, Tony, I know you saw, but Tony, Tony, breathe. Breathe, in, out. Breathe, Tony!” And he could feel the cheeks of his faceplate sinking in, he knew they had to be; he knew Steve’s hands lay thick on his face, he could see the look in his eyes, Tony could, right then. He opened the faceplate, but it took a long time, because Steve didn’t know what was happening, as he was too flared to remove his palms.

But when Tony breathed the air, outside air, when he saw it, the dust, he thought of Pepper again. Pepper. Pepper. He thought of the diamond ring stashed in his sock drawer, he thought of Pepper, Pepper. He thought of the color of her hair, just so he could prove he remembered; he thought of the color of her eyes, just so he could prove something, that she was still alive somewhere, she was still breathing to Tony. And then he thought of everything about her, because he was worried that if he didn’t _“Tony! Listen!_ ” then he’d forget her completely, like one “ _Tony, come on! Open your eyes! I know you’re there, I know you’re awake!_ ” forgets the title of a book, and only remembers parts, but never the whole. “Tony, _please,_ ” and that sounded exasperated, and that sounded different, it sounded clear, like a bell on a summer’s day. It did not sound like Pepper, nothing like Pepper, it did not sound like her hair, or her eyes, or anything, it wasn’t her.

“ ** _Tony_**!” And that was a shriek, like when a child doesn’t get what they want at the mall; it snapped Tony up, and he blocked everything from his mind except for what was happening right then, and that happened to be Steve screaming at him, with tears in his eyes. What had he done to make Captain America cry? Why was he crying? Why?

“Tony, shush, shush, shush,” he said, staring at him with those eyes, welding tears like weaponry. “don’t say anything, it’s okay, don’t think anything, it’s okay, it’s okay, I know you saw, I know you saw it Tony, it’s okay. She loved you, she always will, remember, remember Tony, please, please, breathe, please.” That was nothing like Steve’s “Captain America” voice, it was nothing like Steve to be so frazzled and dazed, so out of the perfect rut he had formed. It was jarring, it was startling, and then Tony just couldn’t breathe, he really and honestly couldn’t, because Pepper Pepper Pepper pepper peppeprperpeprppppppppppppppppp

“Get the suit off of me, get it off, get it off, it burns, it’s HEAVY, get it off, please, oh my god, please, please, I can’t breathe, help, Steve, anyone, get it off, get it off, get itoffgetietntgl…” Those were the first words he realized he was saying, but not the first words he had heard himself say; they were the first words that could croak from his throat, though, that he wanted to.

Steve did not care about the armor, he did not care about JARVIS’s warnings, he tore, he tore, and he tore, until Tony was nearly free; until he only bore boots and gauntlets.

And then Tony fell limp, because it hit him like the oxygen did, it sliced him like the ocean reaps over sand; Pepper was actually dead, she actually was, and she would actually be forever. And then it was clear, and he could see with his eyes and not his lids, and he could breathe.

“What am I—why… Not me, Steve, why not me dying, why not me in the building?”

“Tony, shh,” and yes, that right there sounded more like Captain America, more stern and brooding. For once, Tony followed his orders, and stayed quiet. And then he realized he was being scooped into Steve’s arms and set in his lap, like a child who cries because of tragedy, and it dawns on him that it must seem much the same. He thinks Steve is holding him because he is hurt and damaged and because Steve is the kind of guy who’d do it for anyone, but Steve is holding him because he remembers what it was like to lose someone, and how he just wanted someone to hold him, to realize that he was still there, even if he didn’t want to be.

Tony didn’t care that he was crying, he really didn’t. He didn’t care that everyone could see, that everyone did see. Tony didn’t care that Steve was crying, he didn’t care that Natasha was, he didn’t care that the whole team was. Tony didn’t care that he used to argue with Steve, because he knew now he wouldn’t, couldn’t. Tony didn’t care about a lot of things, he couldn’t, because they were nothing compared to Pepper, Pep, Pepper, Pepper Potts, Ms. Virginia Potts, Pepper.

“Tony Stark, she loves you.” He heard it pass quickly through his ears and it took him a moment to realize Steve had been whispering nothings to him the whole time. “Tony, we all love you. Tony, we’re glad you’re here. Tony, you’re strong, you’ll get through it. We’re here for you, always, Tony, always. She loves you, she always will.”

And Tony knew it was true, that she’d always love him. He knew he’d always love her, too.

Pepper, Pepper, Pepper Potts.

Tony’d propose to her anyway, he’d slip the ring on her finger anyway, because it was a love that would run forever; it was a love that would bury her with the ring on her finger, the ring Tony knew was too flashy but she’d love anyways, it was a love that was sealed so tightly that death could not break it. It was a love he could not lose, for it would flower on him like a bruise someone obtained after doing something they love—they don’t regret it, not one bit, not one single bit, and the bruise is just a reminder that sometimes, the things you love hurt. But everything hurts, and Tony closes his eyes, and he falls asleep in Steve’s arms, with tears damping his cheeks.

He would always love Pepper Potts.


End file.
